My Last Breath
by darkangel1890
Summary: Meredith's world comes crashing down when she learns that she has a life threatening illness. ::MerDer::
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's Anatomy…etc.

This is my new story and it's my first Grey's story so I hope you like it, and please review!!

What would you say in your last breath?

I love you

Don't cry

Don't be afraid

It will be alright

Be brave

Be strong

Those are things I wish I could say in My Last Breath.

Chapter 1

Meredith awoke to the sound of her alarm clock. 'It can't be time to get up.' she thought. She rolled over and looked at her clock. It read 5:30. She groaned and hit the off button. She sat up slowly and stretched. She looked behind her and realized Derek wasn't there. She shrugged figuring he must have gone to work early today. She stood up and went into the bathroom to take a shower. When she was finished she got dressed and headed downstairs. She walked into the kitchen and saw Izzie standing at the stove making French toast.

"Oh no." Meredith muttered.

Izzie looked up. "What?" she asked.

"Something bad didn't happen did it? I mean that's not why your making breakfast right?"

Izzie laughed and flipped the French toast over. "No. Well, not exactly…"

"Are you sure?" Meredith asked, staring at Izzie.

Izzie sighed and nodded. "Yes Mer…I'm fine." She smiled reassuringly, but secretly couldn't stop thinking about George.

Meredith walked over to the counter and started making a pot of coffee.

"Hey, you hungry? Cuz I made a lot." Izzie asked.

Meredith opened her mouth to respond, but at that moment Alex walked in.

"I sure am…mmm smells good!" He said, helping himself to some French toast.

Izzie rolled her eyes and Meredith laughed.

"No thanks Izz…I'm not hungry." Meredith said, taking out a mug and pouring herself a cup of coffee. She glanced over her cup and looked at Izzie and Alex 'fighting.' She smiled to herself as she took a sip. All of a sudden she felt a sharp, blinding pain in her head. She then heard something shatter. She opened her eyes and she was standing with both hands on her head. Izzie was standing next to her and looking at her worriedly.

"Oh my god Mer are you alright?" Izzie asked.

Meredith looked at Izzie strangely. "Huh? Oh yeah, I'm fine. I just got a really bad headache all of a sudden…" she looked down and saw her mug lying in pieces on the floor, along with the coffee that was inside of it. "Oh." Mer said, bending down to pick it up. "I made such a mess." She started picking up the pieces when she felt another sharp pain. She took a sharp intake of breath and brought her hand up to her head.

"Mer…" Izzie said, bending down to help her friend. "Just leave it; I'll take care of it. Why don't you go sit down?"

She helped Meredith up and guided her to the couch in the living room. She sat her down and looked at her. "Is there anything I can get you?" Izzie asked.

Meredith nodded slowly. "Yeah, could you maybe get me some aspirin?" she asked.

Izzie nodded and left the room. Meredith leaned her head back and sighed. She was silently yelling at herself for drinking so much the night before. 'I should really stop drinking.' She thought. Izzie quickly returned with a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin.

"There you go Mer." She said, handing the pills and drink to Meredith. She sat down next to her carefully and sighed. "Alex is cleaning up the mess in the kitchen, and then we're going to work…" she paused. "Maybe it would be better if you didn't go in today…since you're not feeling well."

Meredith looked at Izzie sharply. "I'm fine! It's just the effect of some bad alcohol, that's all!" she said, feeling annoyed.

Izzie looked at her strangely. "Okay…well I think you should at least not drive. So you can get a ride with me and Alex…be ready to go in a few, okay?" she said.

Meredith knew Izzie wasn't going to take no for an answer so she nodded and said. "Alright."

Izzie smiled slightly and stood up, and ran upstairs. Meredith's head still hurt badly. She sighed and opened the aspirin bottle, pouring several into her hand. She popped the pills into her mouth and gulped down some water. She set the glass down and stood up slowly. She looked around quickly; making sure no one was looking, and slipped the bottle into her bag. She figured she'd need it later if this headache didn't subside. Izzie came down the stairs and smiled.

"Alright drinky Mer lets go!" Izzie said.

Meredith rolled her eyes and followed Izzie and Alex out of the house.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you to everyone who has read my story. I'm glad people like it so far. I also want to thank those who took the time to review it: kitykat17, emsoreoangel, ilubga, greys5824, TVHollywoodDiva, mcgreygirl, IluvMerDer, shell36799, munchkin4444, Meredith and Derek, MeredithandDerekfanforever. So here's Chapter 2. hope you enjoy and please review. :-)

Disclaimer: Don't own Grey's Anatomy...yada yada yada...lol

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Chapter 2

When they got to the hospital, Meredith got out of the car and headed towards the building.

"Hey Izz, I'll meet you in the locker room in a few…I uh, have to go to the bathroom." She said.

Izzie nodded and walked towards the locker room with Alex. Meredith went into the bathroom and went into the first stall she came to. She quickly began rummaging threw her bag, looking for the bottle of pills.

"Come on you…" she said to no one. Finally she got fed up and dumped her purse upside down, empting its contents onto the floor. She got on her hands and knees and was sifting threw everything. Her heard was hurting so bad, she was on the verge of tears. Finally she spotted them.

"Yes!!" she whispered. "You can't get away from me!" she yelled at the pill bottle in her hands. She opened the bottle and poured some pills into her hand. She stood up and unlocked the door she popped the pills into her mouth and turned on the cold water. She put her head under the faucet and gulped the water, swallowing the pills. She turned off the water and closed her eyes and stood up, sighing deeply.

"Dr. Grey?" Came a familiar voice.

Meredith jumped and turned around to see Addison standing there. "Dr. Montgomery?" she asked, confused.

"What happened?" Addison asked, looking at everything Meredith had spilled onto the floor.

"What?" Meredith asked, not sure what she was talking about.

Addison looked at Meredith strangely. "Are you alright Meredith?" she asked concerned.

"Oh, uh yeah…yeah I'm fine. I just have a bad headache." She said, going to pick up her things.

Addison bent down to help Meredith gather her things from the floor. When everything was back in Meredith's bag, they stood up.

"Thank you…" Meredith said, feeling rather awkward. "I uh don't want to be late for rounds…so I'll see you later." She said.

"Yeah." Addison said, before Meredith hurried out the door.

Meredith headed towards the locker room, hoping that this headache would soon dissipate. When she got there, she found Izzie, Alex, and Christina already in their scrubs.

"What took you so long" Izzie asked.

Meredith ignored her question and went to change. She quickly threw on her scrube and came back out and sat next to Christina.

"We're just going to City Hall…nothing fancy…just quick and simple. I want you there though." Christina said, looking at Meredith.

Meredith looked at her strangely. "Who?" she asked.

Christina rolled her eyes. "Me. Burke. City Hall."

Meredith thought about it for a moment. "Oh…right, yeah, yeah, I'll be there."

At that point George walked in. Izzie got up and walked over to him. "George, I want…"

"No." he said, cutting her off and walking past her.

Meredith looked at Izzie thoughtfully for a moment before shrugging it off.

"Well" Alex said, standing up. "We better go before Bailey catches us." He said, and walked out.

Christina, Meredith, and Izzie stood up as well and followed him out of the locker room.

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After rounds, Meredith was walking down the hall, when she felt her migraine come back. She grabbed her head and groaned. She decided she would sit in a closet for a moment and let it pass. She tried the knob, but it was locked.

"Shit!" she said. "You are such an idiot, of course it's locked." She walked down the hall, looking for another closet. She finally came to one and tried the knob, finding it unlocked. She sighed relieved and pushed the door open. She looked up and gasped, not expecting to see that someone else was already in there.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry it took me a while to get this chapter up...I have been busy the pat 2 days and its just been hectic. ok anyway thank you to all that have read my story. A special thanks to _TVHollywoodDiva, munchkin4444, greysaddict4life, MeredithandDerekfanforever, Laurenn, NCISBananna, MoonlightGardenias, carsonfiles, funky-monkey-93, McPants, IluvMerDer, Greys has become my life, kitykat17,_ and _Meredith and Derek _for reviewing Chapter 2. Im so glad that you all like my story. so please read and review this chapter and tell me what you think. Thanks

_--DarkAngel_

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**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's anatomy...etc.

Chapter 3

"Oh Izz I'm sorry I didn't mean to…" she paused, and looked past Izzie. George?" she said, seeing George standing behind Izzie. "Oh I'm so glad you guys are talking again, that's great!"

Izzie and George looked at each other nervously. "So what are you two hiding in a….oh" Meredith said, finally realizing what she had just walked in on. "Well this is certainly turning out to be a great day." She said sarcastically. "I'm just going to go…away…far away."

And with that she shut the door and headed down the hall. Her head was still pounding and she needed to rest. She walked by an empty room and thought it wouldn't hurt anything to rest in there for a few minutes. She laid down on the bed and closed her eyes. No sooner had she closed her eyes, she was being shaken away.

"Grey, what you think you are doing?" came Bailey's voice.

Meredith's eyes snapped open and she saw and angry Dr. Bailey staring down at her. "What, oh…sorry Dr. Bailey. I had a headache and I just laid down for a minute…"

"I don't care if you had an axe in your head…this is a hospital for sick people. You are a doctor; you are supposed to be taking care of those sick people. Now you have 5 seconds to get out of my sight. 1…2…"

Meredith jumped up and ran out of the room. When she reached the elevator she sighed and leaned against the cool wall. The doors opened and Christina was standing there.

"Oh there you are…come on, lets grab lunch."

Meredith didn't object. She followed her friend to the cafeteria. They each grabbed a tray of food and sat down at an empty table. Christina immediately started eating, while Meredith just simply started at hers.

Christina looked up, noticing Meredith's stillness. "What, are you hungry?" she asked, with a mouth full of food.

Meredith shrugged. "I don't know…I'm not feeling so great today. I've been having these extremely bad headaches lately…I don't know why though." She paused and took a bite of her hot dog. "I mean, I drink all the time…I never use to get hangovers like this." She said, taking another bite.

Christina shoved another spoon full of food in her mouth. "Quit drinking then." she said.

"What about drinking?" Alex said, sitting down next to Meredith.

"She's hung over." Izzie said, sitting next to Alex.

"I knew it…you alcoholic." Alex said, looking at Meredith.

Meredith rolled her eyes before continuing to eat.

"So you're not feeling better?" Izzie asked.

Meredith went to respond, but suddenly felt a sharp pain in her head again. She brought her hand to her head and groaned.

"Mer…"

"Stop yelling!" Meredith said, still holding her head.

"Meredith, no body's yelling." Christina said.

Meredith reached into her pocket and pulled out the bottle of aspirin. She poured a bunch into her hand and popped them into her mouth. She grabbed Christina's bottle of water and swallowed the pills. She sighed deeply, wishing the pain would just stop.

Meredith, what's wrong?" Christina asked, sounding concerned.

"Nothing" Meredith said impatiently. "I already told you about the drinking."

"Yeah, but Mer…" Izzie started.

"That's enough!" Meredith said, standing up. "Just leave me alone, I'm fine."

With that she picked up her tray and left the table. She threw the rest of her food away and headed inside. She was on her way to the bathroom, when she ran into someone.

"Oh, sorry." She muttered.

The man turned around and looked at her. "There you are Meredith; I've been looking for you."

Meredith looked at him strangely. "Who are you?" she asked, feeling rather confused.

He looked at her peculiarly. "Meredith, it's me Derek…what's wrong?" he asked.

She looked at him for a moment before shaking her head. "Oh my god…I don't know what's wrong with me…"

He looked down at her sadly and pulled her into a hug. "Are you alright?" you've been acting…bizarrely lately."

She pulled away from him and looked at him. "What do you mean? I…" she paused, suddenly feeling slightly dizzy. "Derek…" she said, feeling panicky. Suddenly she doubled over and vomited all over the floor and her shoes. Her eyes watered slightly and she wiped her mouth off with her sleeve. She swallowed hard, with a horrible taste in her mouth. She glanced down at her shirt sleeve and to her dismay she saw spots of blood on it.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you all again for reading my story. I'm really surprised at how many people are reading it. I didnt think it would do that well, but I'm glad it is. Another special thanks to those who have reviewed my story: _Meredith and Derek, munchkin4444, MeredithandDerekfanforever, TVHollywoodDiva, shell36799, emsoreoangel, IluvMerDer, Laurenn, McsteamyIsMcGorgeous, xiao chan, McLoving Grey's, _and _ilubga. _Well with that said, here is Chapter 4. Read and please review!!

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Chapter 4

Meredith stared at the blood on her sleeve.

"Meredith…?" Derek said, bending down to her.

She looked up at him with fear and confusion in her eyes. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her to an empty room. He sat her down gently on the bed and looked at her.

"Why don't you get cleaned up, and put on a gown. I'll be back in a few minutes…okay?"

She nodded and waited for him to leave to get up. She cleaned of her face and changed. She sat back down on the bed, waiting for him to come back. He walked in a few minutes later with a chart in his hand and looked down at her.

"Have you…been having any symptoms or any abnormalities lately?" He asked.

She looked up at him, not sure why he was asking. "No…not really…why?"

Derek sighed. "Meredith please…just think. People don't usually vomit blood for no reason…are you sure there isn't anything?" he asked.

She thought for a moment before it suddenly dawned on her. "Oh…" she said, thinking over what had just come to her.

"What?" Derek asked.

"Well, I've been having extremely bad headaches lately…but n matter what I take they wont go away."

Derek looked at her for a moment, before jotting something down on the chart. "Ok, listen Meredith. I'm going to order a MRI…just as a precaution, okay?" so I'll need you to stay here."

"But Derek I have to work." Meredith protested.

"Not anymore. You're no longer here to work, you're a patient."

Meredith looked up at him strangely. He bent down and kissed her softly on the head and walked out.

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After her MRI, she was laying down in her room, enjoying the quiet, when the door swung open. She looked up and saw Izzie standing there.

Meredith smiled. "Hey Izz…" she said.

Izzie tried to smile, but couldn't seem to. She shut the door behind her and stood by Meredith's bed.

"I uh…was assigned to Dr. Shepherd…so I'm on this case…" Izzie said, walking away from the bed and started to pace around the room.

"What case?" Meredith asked.

"Yours" Izzie said, still pacing.

"What do you mean? Izz what's wrong?" Meredith asked, beginning to worry.

"Dr. Shepherd wanted me to tell you, that he got your MRI results back." Izzie said, still not looking at Meredith.

Meredith sat up slowly and looked at Izzie. "Why didn't he come tell me himself?" she asked.

"He uh…is in surgery…asked me to…"

"Why aren't you scrubbing in then?" Meredith asked.

"I had to tell you…"

"Tell me what?" Meredith yelled, not being able to take is anymore.

Izzie stopped pacing and looked at Meredith with tears in her eyes. "Mer…you have a brain tumor."

Meredith's eyes widened. "No…there's no…no." she said, not wanting to believe what she just heard.

Izzie took a deep breath and sat next to her. "But…it'll be okay…Dr. Shepherd can operate on it…take it out."

Meredith looked at Izzie. "There can be many complications with that type of surgery."

Izzie shook her head. "No, Dr Shepherd is one of the best Neurosurgeons and…"

"Stop talking about him like he isn't my boyfriend!" Meredith snapped.

"I'm sorry…" Izzie said. "It's just…it seems better to just think about him as my attending, not as the man that eats and sleeps at the same house I do."

"It's ok Izz…I just…where's Christina?" she asked.

"She's scrubbing in on one of Burke's surgeries."

Meredith nodded. "When she's done…send her in here…please."

Izzie nodded and hugged Meredith and quietly left the room.

Meredith laid back down on the bed and took a deep breath. She never in a million years thought that something like this could happen to her. Then again no one does. It happens to perfects normal, happy people. One day you're happy, loving life, living with the man you love and the next you have a life threatening disease. Meredith sighed and rolled over, knowing that somehow everything was going to be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you all again for reading my story. It is turning out to be more popular than I ever anticipated. And as I do in every chapter I would like to thank my great readers who take the time to review: _kitykat17, MeredithandDerekfanforever, greys5824, shell36799, munchkin4444, TVHollywoodDiva, pitaqueen, Lauren, emsoreoangel, IluvMerDer, desecretperson, Meredith and Derek, McsteamyIsMcGorgeous, _and _himmli. _I am so glad you all like my story. I am trying to put a chapter on every day, especially since they are short, but I have a soccer tournament tomorrow, so I may not be able to put chapter 6 on. I will try my hardest to, but I may just collapse when I get home. we'll see. well with no further ranting, here is Chapter 5. Please review and and as always hope ya enjoy :-)

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**Disclaimer:** Don't own Grey's...wish I did... :-P

Chapter 5

Meredith laid silently alone in her hospital bed. She heard the door swing open, but figured it was just another annoying nurse, asking if she needed anything.

"Oh god Meredith."

She looked up and saw Christina standing in the door way.

Meredith smiled slightly. "Hey…"

Christina sat down in the chair next to Meredith's bed. "How…how did this happen?" she asked.

Meredith shrugged. "I have no idea…"

"Well where's McDreamy? Shouldn't he be in here…isn't this his thing?"

Meredith looked down and sighed. "I don't know…I haven't seen him since I came in here."

"Oh, well maybe he's busy…"

"More like keeping himself busy…" Meredith looked at the look on Christina's face. "I know you're thinking the same thing. He's probably avoiding me."

"Well…you want me to get him? I can make him come in here…"

"No…" Mer sighed. "I just wish I knew what exactly is going on. I mean why can't I go home?"

Christina watched her friend as she talked. How could she not have realized something was wrong? She was supposed to be her best friend, and she was too busy with her relationship to notice her friend had a serious illness.

The door swung open, interrupting Christina's thoughts.

"Yang…what are you doing? There are sick people out here that need your help!" Dr. Bailey said, placing her hands on her hips.

"But Dr. Bailey, Meredith is…"

"Doing just fine, lying here with out you." Dr. Bailey said, cutting her off.

Christina went to argue, but Mer put a hand on her arm. "Its okay…I' fine. Really…go." She said, trying to reassure her friend.

Christina sighed and left the room.

Dr. Bailey stayed behind. She shut the door and looked at Meredith.

"You okay Grey?" Bailey asked.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine…just sick of lying here." She said.

Bailey nodded. "Well you are probably better off just resting for now…"

Meredith rolled her eyes.

Bailey stood there for a moment before speaking. "Alright, well I'm going to talk to Dr. Shepherd…see what's taking so damn long for the rest of your results."

Meredith nodded and Bailey left the room.

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A little while later George and Izzie walked in.

"Hey…" Mer said; glad to see someone visit her again.

"How are you doing?" George asked, sitting down next to her.

"Good as can be expected I guess." she said. She looked up and saw that Izzie was pacing again.

"Hey Izz…you can sit…"

"No…I'm okay" Izzie said.

Mer sighed and looked at George. "So is it busy out there today?"

George shook his head. "No…not really."

"So…Derek's not in surgery or anything?"

George looked at her strangely. "No…I thought he was in here all day with you…I haven't seem him."

Mer was a little surprised. "Really…I wonder where he is." She looked at Izzie, then back at George. "Are you sure he's not in surgery?"

George nodded. "Yeah I'm sure."

Meredith tried thinking. "Where could he be?" she thought. Suddenly she felt the sharp pain in her head again. She put a hand to her head and groaned.

"Mer are you alright?" George asked.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Those just…really hurt." She said.

"Is there anything I can get you?" he asked, looking at her sadly.

"Yeah…my boyfriend." She said sarcastically. "Wait Izz…" she said, looking up at Izzie. "You must know where he is, He's your attending."

Izzie looked at her, wanting to tell her…wanting to blurt everything out, but somehow thought she couldn't. Izzie looked at her sadly, shrugged, and then looked away.

Mer looked at George hopefully, but he just stared back at her sadly. Mer suddenly just lost it. "Why does everyone keep looking at me like you just killed my dog? What the hell is going on?" she yelled.

Izzie looked at Mer, her eyes welling with tears. "Meredith…your tumor…its…it's in the Thalamus…its…" she paused, wiping tears from her face. "They say its inoperable." She paused again, looking Meredith in the eyes. "It's malignant."


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you to everyone who reads my story. And as usual I would like to thank my wonderful readers who take a few seconds out of the time to review: _GreysAddict21, emsoreoangel, shell36799, desecretperson, munchkin4444, Meredith and Derek, McsteamyIsMcGorgeous, MeredithandDerekfanforever, TVHollywoodDiva, Floke, kitykat17, himmli, IluvMerDer, McPants,_ and _LaFilmeMichelle. _Well with that said, he is the next chapter. Please read and review and Enjoy!!

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**Disclaimer:** Dont own Grey's...blah blah blah

Chapter 6

Mer stared at Izzie in disbelief. "What?" she said, not believing her friend.

Izzie looked away, wiping her stubborn tears from her face. She took a deep breath and turned back to Mer. "We double checked, hundreds of times. I even researched it…No one has ever survived from this kind…" she said.

Mer's voice caught in her throat. For the first time, she could feel fear creeping in. she gazed towards the door, lost in thought.

"Meredith…there is a possibility…there's a new procedure…there may be a way to take it out." George said, his voice sounding far away. "He might be able to fix it."

Mer snapped out of her trance and glared at George. "I want to see Derek." She said, in a flat tone.

"Mer…he's…" Izzie began.

"No!" she shouted, looking at Izzie. "Get me Derek now!"

Izzie watched her closely for a moment before nodding. She motioned for George to follow her and exited the room. Mer stared at the door for a moment then laid down. She looked up at the ceiling, realizing she was more scared than she had ever been in her life.

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Izzie went around the corner and leaned against the wall. "I can't do this…I can't just watch her…I don't want to be her doctor George. I want to be there, holding her hand…" she wiped away another tear, feeling completely lost.

George put a hand on the side of her face. "You're the strongest person I know. If anyone can handle this, its you."

Izzie smiled slightly. They stared into each others eyes and leaned in closer. Their faces were inches from each other.

"Dr. Stevens."

Izzie jerked back and hit her head on the wall. "Ow…" she turned to see Addison standing there. "Dr. Montgomery?" she said.

"Derek's asking for you…he said you were suppose to report back to him…"

Izzie sighed. "I'm done…I can't do this." She looked at George before continuing. "He's the Neurosurgeon, and he's making me tell his patient…Meredith…that she's going to…" Izzie's eyes watered. "I know she's his girlfriend, but she's my friend. Why can't he just go…see her?"

Addison looked at Izzie sadly. "I know Izzie…I agree."

She looked up, surprised by the use of her first name.

"Come on; let's go talk to Derek together."

Izzie nodded and followed Addison. Izzie walked into the dark on-call room where Derek was sitting.

He turned around and looked up at her. "Dr. Stevens where were you? I gave you specific orders…"

"She's not here to run errands for you Derek." Addison said, walking in.

He looked up at her. "That's not what I…she's just…"

"Doing what you should be doing." She said, cutting him off. "This is her friend, and you are making her tell Meredith everything so that you don't have to."

Derek shook his head. "Addison you don't understand…I can't…handle it."

"Like I can?" Izzie said, finally standing up to Derek. "After all that I've been through this year…After Denny…you want to tell one of my best friends that she's going to die? She is lying in a hospital bed, scared and alone, asking for you, and you don't go because _you_ can't handle it!"

Derek stared at Izzie, taken aback by this sudden outburst. "She…she asked for me?"

Izzie sighed. "Yes. You're the person she's been waiting for. She loves you Derek, and you not being there hurts her more than you could ever imagine."

Derek looked at Izzie, impressed by the strength she showed. He nodded and stood up. "Alright…I'm going to go see her."

Izzie nodded and stepped aside so he could pass. He paused and looked at her. "Thank you for this." He said, and left the room.

Izzie looked at Addison and suddenly broke down in tears. Addison pulled Izzie into a hug. "It will be alright. Everything will be alright." She whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you to everyone who reads my story. I'm really glad so many people like it. And I would especially like to thank my readers who reviewed the last chapter: _emsoreoangel, LaFilmeMichelle, ilubga, MeredithandDerekfanforever, IluvMerDer, Friendsfan, merder81, TVHollywoodDiva, MissRe,_ and_ shell36799. _Oh and btw I'm sorry that my chapters are short, its just the way that I've planned it out. I will try to make longer chapters, but I'm not promising anything. Well with that said, here is the next Chapter. Pretty please Read and Review :-)

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**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's...

Chapter 7

Meredith continued to stare at the ceiling. She wasn't sure what was going on anymore. She knew that having a tumor was bad, but it never occurred to her that it could mean death. 'Death' she thought. Didn't she, not long ago, want to die? Didn't she want all her pain to end? But now things were different. She realized how happy she really had been. She had friends, a boyfriend, a nice house, a nice job…everything. And now, she was dying. She sighed deeply. She didn't really want to think about it at the moment. She could always just think about it later. The door suddenly swung open and she prepared to yell at who she assumed to be Izzie.

"Would you just…" she trailed off. She looked up and saw Derek standing there, looking at her. "Derek?" she asked, not believing her eyes.

He smiled slightly and nodded. "Yeah…it's me."

She felt her eyes watering against her will

Derek walked over and sat on the edge of her bed. "Meredith." He said, putting a hand on her cheek.

She felt a tear slide down her cheek. "Where have you been? I-I…needed…I need you."

He could feel his heart breaking at her words. He loved her so much, and he had been too selfish to be there for her. He pulled her into his arms and held her tight. She cried softly into his arms. "Sshhh…it's alright. I'm here now. I'm so sorry I wasn't there before, but I'm here now." He kissed her head softly.

After a few moments, she pulled away and looked up at him. "What will we do?" she paused. "George…says there's a way."

Derek stood up and ran his fingers threw his hair.

Meredith sat there, watching him carefully. "Derek…is it true?" she asked.

He looked down at her. "I don't know."

"Well what do you mean you don't know? Is there a way for me to live or not?" she said, getting agitated.

He stared at her, trying not to get upset. "Meredith it's not that simple. It's been performed no more that 5 times…and every time…"

"What?" she asked.

"No one has lived. Two made it through the procedure, but never came out of a coma."

Meredith looked up at him. "Oh…" was all she could say.

"And" he said, walking across the room. "it was done by highly trained physicians. I called them all and none of them are willing to try it again."

"Derek…come here."

He turned around and sat back down next to her.

"You…Derek Shepherd…are the most talented doctor I know. You are a brilliant brain surgeon…"

"Meredith…" he started.

"No Derek you are the best there is and you know it. if anyone is going to be operating on Meredith Grey's brain…its you."

He looked at her disbelievingly. "But Meredith…"

"No. that's it. If I'm having this operation, then I want you to be my doctor. Okay?" I trust you with my life." she said, taking his hands in hers.

He looked at her, his eyes beginning to water slightly. "I don't think I can do it…it's too much too soon and…"

Meredith shook her head. "It's okay. You can think it over and do all the preparing that you need to do."

Derek looked down and took a deep breath. "Meredith…I don't have time. You don't have time. This operation…it has to be done now…well tomorrow."

She looked at him strangely. "Why so soon?"

He looked up at her. "Because, if not done right away…it can't be done."

She let go of his hands. "Derek, if I don't have this done…how long do I have to live?"

He waited a moment before saying anything. "6 weeks…max."

Her eyes widened. She looked away, trying to control her emotions the looked back. "I want the surgery. That's my final decision."

He looked at her and nodded, knowing she wouldn't change her mind. "Alright…I'll do it…first thing tomorrow." He said defeated.

Meredith hugged him. "Thank you Derek." She said, hugging him tightly.


	8. Chapter 8

As always I would like to thank everyone for reading my story. A special thanks to those who reviewed my story: _LaFilmeMichelle, MeredithandDerekfanforever, TVHollywoodDiva, salmonscrubs, emsoreoangel, greys5824, Murgy31, ilubga, munchkin4444, shell36799, IluvMerDer, himmli, McsteamyIsMcGorgeous, Meredith and Derek, kitykat17, merder81, Izziefan,_ and _NaleyOTH23._ Well with that said, here is the next chapter. Please read and review...and enjoy :)

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**Disclaimer:** Don't own Grey's Anatomy...blah blah blah

Chapter 8

Derek laid silently next to Meredith, holding her tightly in his arms. They stayed like that for a while, until the door suddenly opened. Christina came in and sat in the chair next to Meredith's bed.

"Meredith I need to talk…" she said. She sat and stared at Derek until he got up.

"Well…I have some researching to do anyway…" he bent down and kissed Mer gently on the lips. "I'll come back later…I can stay the night with you, if you'd like."

Mer shook her head and smiled. "No, you go home. I'll be fine, besides I want my surgeon well rested."

He gave her a half hearted smile and nodded. "Alright…I'll see you in the morning then." He turned around and walked out the door.

Mer stared at the door for a few moments before turning her attention to Christina. "So you needed to talk?" she asked.

Christina just stared at her.

"What?" Mer said.

"What do you mean by _'I want my surgeon well rested'?_" Christina said, imitating Mer's voice.

Mer sighed. "It's nothing." She looked at the disbelieving look on Christina's face. "Seriously it's nothing to worry about."

"What is going on?" Christina demanded.

"Its this damn thing in my head. It turns out that the world really doesn't like me, so now I have to have my brain cut open." She said, tying to make it sound less serious that it was. She saw fear suddenly come across her friend's face.

"You're having an operation…tomorrow?" she asked.

Mer nodded. "Well yeah, but its not big deal."

Christina stood up. "No big deal? Meredith do you know…"

"Christina." Mer said. "What I need right now, is to act like everything is normal. Can you do that for me…please?"

Christina looked at Mer and sighed. "Fine. Whatever." She sat back down and looked at Mer, not talking.

"So…" Mer said, hoping Christina wasn't mad at her. "You needed to talk to me?"

"No"

Mer sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, until Christina finally gave in. "He wants me to wear a big, ugly, poofy white dress."

Mer looked at Christina and smiled. "Awe. Little Bridal Christina…"

"Oh shut up!" Christina said, rolling her eyes. "I'm not going to wear it…no way."

Mer laughed. "Yeah, like you weren't going to have wedding cake either huh?"

"You know what, if I'm wearing a dress, you're wearing one too! And it's going to be really ugly too!"

"Who says you get to pick my dress?" Mer said, mockingly.

"Because" Christina said. "You have to be my Maid of Horror or whatever. And the bride gets to pick out the dress…"

Mer smiled and her eyes watered slightly. "You're asking me to be your Maid of Honor?" she asked.

Christina looked at her. "Well duh. But don't get all gushy about it or anything."

Mer looked at her friend and smiled. "Yeah yeah okay."

Christina sighed and stood up. "Well my shifts over, and you look tire so…" she started walking towards the door.

"No wait." Mer said. "Stay…I don't want to be alone right now."

Christina nodded and laid down on the bed next to Mer.

Christina eventually fell asleep, but Mer just laid there, wide awake. She heard Izzie come in sometime later. She heard her talk to someone outside the door, then sit down in the chair. Sometime around 3 or so, Mer fell into a light, restless sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks again to everyone who has been reading my story. A spreacil thanks to those who took time to review the last chapter: _munchkin4444, LaFilmeMichelle, TVHollywoodDiva, MeredithandDerekfanforever, salmonscrubs, McsteamyIsMcGorgeous, IluvMerDer, desecretperson,_ and _himmli._ Well with that said, here is the next chapter. please read, review and enjoy!

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**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's...

Chapter 9

Meredith slowly opened her eyes to see the light had already started to creep into the room. She looked around forgetting where she was for a moment. Suddenly the memories of the previous day came back to her. She sighed deeply, wishing it had all just been a dream. She looked next to her and saw that Christina was sleeping peacefully next to her. She looked to her other side and saw Izzie half sitting in the chair and half lying on the bed. She carefully removed Christina's arm that was over her and sat up, only to step on George. She gasped slightly not expecting to see him there. She looked over and saw Alex was sitting against the wall with his head bent down. She smiled to herself. She was really glad that her friends had all stayed the night with her. She cautiously stepped over George and went into the bathroom.

After she was done she walked back into her room to see George had woken up.

"Oh…I didn't wake you did I?" she asked.

He smiled. "Yeah kind of. You sort of stepped on me."

She bit her lip lightly. "Oh sorry, I didn't know you…"

He shook his head as he stood up. "No Mer its fine. I'm going to get some coffee…want some?"

She nodded. "Yeah…thanks George."

He smiled. "No problem." And he walked quietly out of the room.

Mer sighed and sat back down on the bed. Christina rolled over and opened her eyes.

"What are you doing? Go back to sleep." She said to Mer.

Mer smiled. "No…I'm awake now…besides I'm not tired anymore." She lied.

Christina rolled her eyes and sat up. "Yeah whatever." She looked at Mer. "I never told Burke I was staying here last night."

"Why don't you go see him…maybe he's here already." Mer suggested.

"No...I'm sure he figured it out."

Mer shook her head. "No go see him. I'll be fine." She paused, seeing that Christina was reluctant to go. "I want you to go…its not like I'm alone." She said, pointing out the other two interns that were sleeping in her room.

Christina sighed and stood up. "Fine I'll go. But I'm coming back."

"Okay…" Mer said smiling.

Christina grabbed her coat and walked out of the room.

Mer looked over and saw Alex starting to stir. She sighed, figuring that she probably wasn't going to get another minute alone for a while. She felt Izzie moving and she sat up. Izzie looked at her, confused for a moment, then realized why she was sleeping there.

"Hey…" she said groggily.

Mer smiled. "Hey Izz" she looked over and saw Alex wiping drool from his face. "Sleep well?" she asked him, trying not to laugh.

"Ha ha…very funny." He said standing up. He yawned and stretched as George walked back in with two coffees in his hand. He looked surprised to see Christina gone and the other two awake.

"Oh…I only got two…" he said, looking down at the coffee in his hands.

"Its okay O'Malley I need to stretch my legs anyway." He turned to Izzie. "You want one?"

She nodded and watched him leave the room. She turned to Meredith and sighed. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

Mer shrugged. "Fine I suppose." She said, taking her coffee from George.

Izzie looked at her as though she could see right threw her.

"Seriously." Mer said. "I'm fine. No worries." She smiled slightly, taking a sip of her coffee. She looked up at George and patted the bed softly. "Sit." She said.

He looked at her for a moment then sat down next to her.

"Have either of you seen…" Mer started to ask.

"Yes." Izzie said, before Mer finished. "He didn't leave right away last night. He had me checking every single source he could think of and then some."

"And…" Mer said.

"Well we didn't find anything that we didn't already know really…" Izzie said sighing.

"Izz…how could I have not known? I mean…" she paused. "How could it be this bad all of a sudden?" she asked.

Izzie looked down. She looked back up at Mer and sighed. "Well from what Dr…from what Derek told me, what you have is rather rare. Its called Meningioma. Its not normally malignant, but when it is grows rapidly and is very destructive." She paused. "So that's why we didn't know. That's why you were having these horrible sudden headaches. The symptoms don't show right away…so we had no way of knowing." Izzie looked down.

Mer looked at her. "Izz…what's wrong?" she asked.

Izzie shook her head. "I should have known. I live with you…there were probably signs…I should have realized."

Mer looked at her sadly. "Izz…don't. Don't blame yourself. You hear me, this is not your fault." She pulled her friend into a hug.

Izzie hugged Mer tightly and blinked away her tears. She pulled away and gave her friend a slight smile.

Alex walked in and handed Izzie her coffee and sat down on the other side of Mer. "So what I miss…anything good?"

Mer smiled and rolled her eyes. "Hello to you too…" she paused. "And who said you could sit on my bed anyway?" she asked, jokingly.

"Hey you had a nice comfortable bed while I slept sitting on the floor…don't yell at me for a few minutes of comfy sitting."

She smiled. "About that..." she looked at Izzie. "I want to thank you" she looked over at George. "All of you" she looked back over at Alex. "For staying the night with me…it meant a lot." She said, looking back over at Izzie.

Izzie nodded. "It was nothing." Izzie sipped her coffee and sat back in the chair. "Oh Mer, I…"

Suddenly the door was opened. "What is going on? Someone forget to tell me about the party that excuses you from your duties?" Dr. Bailey said, starring at her interns.

"Dr. Bailey, we're just…"

"Don't go trying to give me excuses Karev. Now I want you three to get to work…you have to do rounds."

"But Dr. Bailey…" George protested.

"O'Malley if I hear one more word from you, you will be working the pit the rest of the day. Understand?"

George just looked at her.

"I said do you understand?"

"Yes Dr. Bailey." He said, standing up. He looked at Meredith before leaving the room.

Alex got up and followed George.

Izzie grabbed Mer's hand and gave it a slight squeeze. "I'll be back." She whispered." And followed Bailey out of the room.

Mer sipped her coffee as she leaned back against the wall and sighed. She was scared out of her mind, and realized she really didn't want to be alone.


	10. Chapter 10

Thank you very much to evreyone who is reading my story. Also I would like to really thank those who took the time to review the last chapter: _salmonscrubs, GreysAddict21, himmli, MeredithandDerekfanforever, TVHollywoodDiva, IluvMerDer, munchkin4444, Meredith and Derek, McsteamyIsMcGorgeous, kitykat17, LaFilmeMichelle,_ and _Murgy31_. I would also like to add that there will only be one more chapter after this one, just to let you know. Well with that said, here is the next chapter. Please read and review...and enjoy:-)

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**Disclaimer:** I do not own Grey's Anatomy

Chapter 10

After Mer sat there for a little while pondering the recent events, the door to her room was opened. She looked up to see Derek standing there.

"Hey…you're here." She said, smiling.

He smiled back. "Yeah, I am." He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. "Are you ready for this?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

Mer sighed deeply and looked down. "No…I suppose not."

He placed his hand on her chin and made her look at him. "Me either."

She smiled slightly and leaned in and kissed him softly. She moved to pull away, but he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a deep, passionate kiss. They stayed locked in a breath taking kiss for what seemed like forever, until he eventually loosened his grip on her. He looked into her eyes and whispered "I love you Meredith."

She smiled at him. "I love you too Derek." She leaned her head on his chest and sighed.

He ran his fingers threw her hair, twirling her brown locks in between his fingers. "I love you hair…it's so perfect."

Mer laughed slightly. "Well I wouldn't say perfect…but I guess I like my hair too." She said amusedly. When he didn't laugh, Mer pulled away from him and looked at him questioningly. "Derek…why are you suddenly so interested in my hair?" she asked.

He looked at her and sighed deeply. "Well…this procedure…you'll have to…I'll have to shave part of your head."

Her eyes widened. "You have to what? You can't make me bald! I won't let you…" she stared at him for a moment before sighing and leaning back against his chest. "This seriously sucks."

He stroked her back softly. "I know. I know."

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After a little while, Derek kissed Mer softly on the head and left. She sat there for about 10 minutes or so before Izzie came in.

"Hey Mer…its…time." she said, trying her best to calm her nerves.

Mer looked up at her, slightly surprised that it was happening so soon. She tried to say something, but couldn't find the words so she just simply nodded.

"Alex and I will be prepping you for surgery." Izzie said, walking over to Mer's bed. "I will take you up to O.R.3 and begin the pre-surgery procedure."

Mer stared up at her. "You mean the whole thing where I suddenly have to look like a British man?" Mer said, trying to make light of the situation.

Izzie laughed and helped Mer into a wheel chair. "Yup that about sums it up." she said, wheeling Mer out of the room.

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Once part of Mer's head was shaved, Alex took her into the operating room.

"Now lay down, the anesthesiologist will be here momentarily." Alex said looking down at Mer and smiling.

Mer smiled back, and then looked up at the gallery, where she could see Christina and George sitting. "I want to talk to them first." She said, looking back at Alex.

Alex looked up at the gallery and frowned. "But you're already prepped…"

"Alex" Izzie said, walking in with the anesthesiologist. "Listen to her." she said, not looking at Mer.

He sighed and went over and pressed the speaker button. "Well go on, talk." He said.

Mer shook her head. "No…I want them down here."

The anesthesiologist crossed her arms and looked frustratingly at Mer. "We don't have time for this, its time for surgery."

Derek poked his head in. "I'm sorry is there a problem?" he asked.

"Yeah she won't cooperate!"

"I just want to say goodbye to my damn friends!" Mer yelled her eyes on the brink of tears.

"Could you give us a minute?" Derek asked everyone else in the room.

Everyone nodded and left the room. "Not you two." He said to Izzie and Alex. He looked down at Mer sadly. "Meredith…you don't need to say goodbye. You will be awake in a few hours." He said, though he only half believed his own words.

Mer shook her head, a tear sliding down her cheek. "But Derek…I don't-"

"No Meredith. Now I will let you speak to them…but I will not let you say goodbye." He said in a stern tone.

"Okay…" she whispered.

He bent down and kissed her softly. "5 minutes…okay?" he asked.

She nodded and let go of his hand as he walked out of the room.

Alex and Izzie walked over to Mer and looked at her.

"Mer…it will be okay." Izzie said trying to be optimistic.

Mer nodded as Christina and George walked in the room.

Christina walked over and grabbed Mer's hand tightly. "I hope this is over soon, I'm hungry." She said, trying to cheer Mer up thought there wasn't a trace of a smile on her own face.

Mer laughed half heartedly. "Yeah yeah…you can buy me a cheeseburger later."

Christina looked down, still not letting go of Mer's hand.

Mer looked up at George and saw his eyes were watering. "George…" she paused. "No nookie while I'm under okay…" she said, smiling and glancing quickly at Izzie.

Izzie smiled as George blushed. "Uh yeah…sure okay." Was all he could say.

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When they five minutes were up, Christina and George headed back up to the gallery, while Izzie and Alex prepped for surgery. The anesthesiologist returned and got everything ready. Once everyone was prepped and in the room, the anesthesiologist looked at Mer.

"Okay, now I would like you to count backwards from 10 for me."

Mer glanced at Derek for a second then nodded. "10….9…..8…."

Izzie took a deep breath once she realized her friend was under.

Izzie watched as Derek began cutting away layers of Mer's scalp. She wanted to close her eyes. She wanted to close her eyes and run away. But she couldn't. She had to stay here.

"Gigli." Derek said, interrupting Izzie's thoughts. She passed him the bone saw and watched closely as he began cutting her skull. He lifted the lid of the bone off before moving further into Mer's brain.

"Stevens…you've made excellent burr holes before…I trust you can do them again." He said, handing the tool to her. She stared at him for a moment before taking the drill and placing it above Mer's head. She glanced up at the gallery, seeing the frightened expression on Christina's face.

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Christina was sitting up in the gallery, watching everybody's tiniest movements they made in the OR. She kept mumbling under her breath how they should have done something different, or that they should breathe less…things li_ke that. She watched as Derek handed Izzie the drill. 'She can't do this.' She thought. 'Why isn't Derek doing it? He is the neurosurgeon after all.'_ She clenched her fist tightly as Izzie made the first burr hole. She wanted to close her eyes, but didn't dare take them off of the scene…just in case anything went wrong.

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George glanced over at Christina, noticing her tense up as Izzie made incisions into Meredith's head. _'It's alright.' _He reassured himself. _'Izzie can handle this…she's done it before…besides Dr. Shepherd knows what he's doing…'_ He sighed deeply, waiting…just waiting for this to finally be over.

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Alex was watching Izzie intently, amazed at how well she was handling everything. He knew that if it was one of his best friends, there was no way her would be able to do the operation. Even though he cared about Meredith, and was friends with her, he just wasn't as close to her as Izzie was. He watched as she finished making the burr holes, and as she stepped aside, to let Dr. Shepherd do the rest. Izzie looked up at Alex, their eyes locking for a moment. All he could see in her eyes was fear.

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Derek began making larger incisions between the burr holes, so he could open the brain further to take out the tumor. He had managed to get to the tumor and began taking bits of it out and killing certain cells that the tumor had infected. He was a little more than half way done with the procedure, when blood started to spurt from the brain. Izzie's eyes widened and she seemed to freeze up. Alex immediately started to try and stop the bleeding, but it wasn't working. Derek was yelling all sorts of things and doing everything to correct the problem.

The last thing Izzie remembered was the heart monitor flat lining and someone yelling _"Code Blue!"_


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you everyone who had read my story. A special thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter: _salmonscrubs, IluvMerDer, Meredith and Derek, GreysAddict21, TVHollywoodDiva, NaleyOTH23, himmli, McsteamyIsMcGorgeous, MeredithandDerekfanforever, mars2192, kitykat17, LaFilmeMichelle, shell36799, merder81,_ and _desecretperson_. And a special special thanks to kitykat17 for helping me with ideas with my story especially the medical stuff :-) Well this is the last chapter so please read and review...and enjoy!!  
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**Disclaimer:** Don't own Grey's...

Chapter 11

Dr. Bailey stood staring at the four interns sitting on the floor outside of OR3. She could feel her eyes beginning to water, but she shook her head and looked down. She could not…_would not_ let herself cry. At least not in front of them. She watched from the gallery as the guys from the morgue wheeled the body bag out of the room. Bailey glanced down at Derek, who was standing in the corner, staring at the spot where _she_ had been laying a few short hours ago.

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Derek stared, not moving, staring at the operating table. Everything was going according to plan. Everything worked out so perfectly. The procedure was going better than he could have ever hoped for…then it happened. _'How did it happen?'_ he asked himself. _'How could I let her just slip threw my fingers?'_ Why wasn't she still here with him? Where had she gone? He was kissing her and holding her not long ago…and now…now her would never see her again. Never talk to her again. Never touch her again. Never smell her sweet perfume, or whisper in her ear and tell her everything will be alright. _'I let her down…I…let her die…'_ he thought, as a tear slid down his cheek.

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Izzie sat in between George and Alex. She was staring at the opposite wall, feeling her eyes over flowing with tears. Her voice was caught in her throat. She wanted to make her feelings known, but couldn't. She felt herself shaking slightly. Why did this keep happening to her? Why was everyone dying? First Denny, now Meredith. _'Why?'_ she asked silently, looking up at the ceiling. Why were the people she loved being ripped so violently from her? She closed her eyes, breathing deeply, wanting everything to just go away.

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Alex saw Izzie out of the corner of his eye. He wanted to reach over and grab her hand. He wanted to hold her and tell her everything was okay…but he couldn't. He wasn't sure if it was because he was afraid of her reaction, or for his own selfish reasons. 'Why Meredith? What had she ever done to deserve this?' he just recently moved into his friend's house, and was steadily becoming better friends with her. But now that would never happen.

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George sat there. Unable to move. 'What just happened?' he asked himself. He knew what happen…somewhere in his mind he knew what had happened. But how...or when…he did not know. Time didn't matter anymore. Time. Meredith was supposed to have time. Time to laugh. Time to cry. But now there was no more time. Not for her anyway. She would never have time…not anymore.

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Cristina sat there feeling nothing. No not nothing…anger. She was mad. She was mad at herself…she hated herself. More than ever she wanted to kill herself for being so stupid. She just stood there. She watched from the gallery…she knew something had been punctured…knew something went wrong, yet she just stood there. She let it happen. She could have run down there and done something…anything. And now, because of her, her best friend was gone. Gone forever. She suddenly stood up and punched the wall. She felt nothing. No pain. Nothing. She punched it again, feeling her anger channeling threw her bleeding knuckles. Bailey hurried over to her as she punched the wall again. Cristina drew her hand back to punch it again, but was stopped by Dr. Bailey.

"Let…go….of me!" Cristina yelled.

"No. I will no let you do this to yourself. You will stop this nonsense right _now_!" Bailey said, finding her voice stronger than she thought possible.

Cristina looked over at her, extreme anger showing on her face.

"It's all my fault! I let her die!" she yelled.

Bailey shook her head. "No. No you didn't. You can't blame this on yourself." She paused. "Who are you really mad at Cristina? Me? You can yell at me, tell me that I should take better care of _my_ interns." _'My children.'_ She thought to herself as she felt her eyes begin to water again.

Cristina glared at her for a moment before suddenly leaning on Bailey and crying.

"How could she leave me? How could she leave me here all alone?" she said in between sobs.

Bailey patted Cristina softly on the back. "Sshhh…its okay…it's going to be alright."

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Derek looked up at Cristina crying into Dr. Bailey's shoulder. He felt more tears forming in his eyes.

"Derek…" Addison said, stepping into the room. "Derek you have to…you have to get out. They…other people need to be in here now." She said.

Derek looked up at her, like he had no clue who she was. He stared at her for a moment before wiping his face off quickly and pushing past her to get out. He had to get out. He couldn't stay in there even if he was allowed. He hurried down the hall and ran into the on-call room. He sank down against the wall and put his head in his hands. He cried silently alone in the dark.

A few minutes later he heard the door open. He didn't bother looking up to see who it was…he didn't care.

"Derek…" Addison said, sitting down next to him. "I'm so…" she couldn't finish her sentence. Telling him she was sorry wouldn't help. Not one bit. She sighed and looked over at him.

"I let her down." Looking up, but still not looking at her. "I made a promise to her. I told her she would be fine. I promised her that she would be alright. I promised her…and I…I let her down." He said, his voice catching in his throat.

"Derek…you didn't know…you can't blame yourse-" Addison started.

Derek shook his head. "I not only let her down…I let her friends down. I w-wouldn't even let them say goodbye." He breathed deeply. "The last thing I said to her was… 'I will not let you say goodbye.' I should have let her say goodbye…should have…should…" he broke off, tears flowing steadily down his face.

Addison pulled him closer to her and let him cry on her shoulder. She felt a tear escape her eyes as she sat there, rocking him gently back and forth. She didn't know if he would ever get over this. No. she knew he would never get fully over this. None of them would. Meredith was a special person. She was pessimistic a lot of the time, but still somehow she managed to make everyone feel better about them selves. And now she was gone from the world. Gone forever.


End file.
